Make Real Food

On a Journey to Love Myself and (the food in) the World Around Me.

Thinking Out Loud Thursday : 06/25/2015

by Chelsea @ Make Real Food on June 25, 2015, 6 comments

Each week Amanda [Running with Spoons] hosts Thinking Out Loud Thursday. A chance for us to do some brain-dump blogging. And to hang out with fun people.

thursdays1 – Erm.  I disappeared.  For more than a month.  Life got a bit weird.  Well, it has been weird for a while now.  But, it got weird + I got sick of faking that it wasn’t weird + I stopped cooking, all of which sort of tumbled down on top of me.  I been feeling a lot like everyone is depending on me every second for the past few months, and a lot had to go.  Including blogging.  Because it was just one more thing that was being forcefully checked off my to do list.  Sort of like when I’m feeling overwhelmed so I put easy things on the to do list – like – “eat breakfast” < which we totally know is going to happen regardless.  

2 – The main thing that’s been happening in my life is that I’ve been a wife to someone with bipolar.  Which I talked more about a few months back, here. And I could totally fake that this has all been easy and that we’re breezing through it and that our life is totally normal, but that would be a lie.  The truth is, every day is utterly exhausting right now, for both of us.  And lying about it is, most of the time, even more exhausting.  Which is one of the main reasons I essentially dropped off the radar.  Finding something positive (lies) to say each week was too hard.  And talking about how hard things were/are was overwhelming.  So I just did nothing.  It is mainly exhausting because we don’t ever know what kind of day we are going to have.  We don’t know if we can keep plans that we’re making in the future, or this afternoon.  It’s exhausting because I often feel like I am the one who is responsible for everything.  Are bills getting paid?  Is the house getting cleaned to a decent livable state?  Were meds taken?  When is the next doctor’s appointment?  Did the cat get fed?  Did I eat? And this isn’t even factoring in thinking about tomorrow – or the next day – or 3 months from now.  Let’s get through right now.  Of course, not every day is like this.  And the bad days are getting less and less.  But I feel as if we’ve been in survival mode since November, and survival mode doesn’t lend itself to much more than the basics.  

3 – We are doing okay.  I promise.  Life just isn’t easy, for him, or for me, or for us.  But we’re staying on top of trying new medicines.  And hopefully we will find the magic combination soon.

4 – I have been trying to sneak away a fair amount to the river for some peace + outside time + knitting.  It is quiet, and a lovely place for an afternoon break.  IMG_20150608_190303

5 – I also (finally) completed these blue socks (although the color in the river-picture is much more accurate) – they kept getting way sided by funky weeks of no knitting – but they are done!  I am finishing up a few other projects before I start another pair (gasp) but I’m pretty excited about the next pair I have in mind 🙂 IMG_20150614_191518

6 – I have also added two new essentials to my summer bag of tricks, Chacos and an Eno Hammock.  Both of these things I have been eyeing for years, and I finally took the plunge this year, since I’m spending more time at home while working.  IMG_20150617_145000

7 – Speaking of work, it is going quite lovely.  Especially from the back porch.  But – in all seriousness, we are on the cusp of some majorly exciting things and big growth.  We’ve been incredibly busy – and I’m loving it.  IMG_20150526_140539

8 – I am also loving snuggle time with this little Nephew-bug – who is almost 3 months old (WAAAHHT).  He’s bringing so many giggles to our life over the past three months – but also made us feel really awesome about the idea of adopting school aged children (instead of newborns). 😉 IMG_20150525_143935

9 – I am going to go now and snuggle with a nice glass of tea (don’t worry, it’s not cold out.  Just inside-because AC) #FirstWorldProblems.  IMG_20150603_075107

10 – Hopefully I’ll be making some more regular appearances soon enough.  Who knows, maybe I’ll even start cooking food that doesn’t come straight from the freezer again 😉

P.S. – 

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6 thoughts on “Thinking Out Loud Thursday : 06/25/2015

  1. I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through, but I can just send you some good thoughts, because clearly you need them. Love knitting & water – both very therapeutic. And blogging shouldn’t just be about the good stuff – it’s about being real, which can be downright ugly sometimes. Hugs!

    • Thank you for the kind words, Judy! It is certainly not an easy ride right now, but we’re hanging in there!
      I agree! Blogging should be real! I try my best to do that. Things lately have just been too hard to put in to words sometimes!
      Happy Thursday and thank you for stopping by!!

  2. It is always hard to share what we cant really see or touch. You know where to reach us if you need us. In the meantime, you are doing an awesome of “one foot in front of the other.”
    A bit of humor that you will understand…perhaps white socks would make it easier…(sorry could not resist).

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