One year ago today, I wrote this blog post:
“Today would have been Beth Postlethwait’s 62nd birthday. That is, if she hadn’t died 11 months ago.
Next Sunday is Mother’s day. Nathan and I stood in the ‘Mother’s Day Card’ section at Wal-Mart Thursday night. I was looking for a card for my Mum who I love dearly, and we realized, that this year, we wouldn’t be buying a card for Beth. Because she died 11 months ago.
And on June First, it will have been a year.
And we will have made it through our first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, first Birthdays, first Mother’s day, and our Wedding day without her.
And then maybe it starts getting easier.
When I read it today, my first thought was ‘it is easier’. But, ‘easier’ isn’t the right word. Different, perhaps. Today felt different than one year ago today did. However, it certainly isn’t easier.
May, and spilling over into June, is a thunderstorm of emotion. I imagine, perhaps, that it always will be.
On May 19th we will celebrate one year of marriage. On May 29th, the year before, we got engaged.
But today is Beth’s birthday. And next Sunday is Mother’s day. And, on June 1st, it will have been two years since she died. Wow. Wasn’t it just yesterday?
So, please forgive us, if we take a moment for ‘today’. I know tomorrow will come and life will continue to go on, as it has for the past 23 months.
But today, we need it to be today.
We need it to be Beth Postlethwait’s 63rd birthday.
And we need to cry. And sit on the couch and watch it rain. And eat chocolate chips for lunch. And not be social. And talk about her. And cry, again.
And tomorrow we’ll get up, and go back to work. And tomorrow life will keep going because it has to, but right now, for one day…let it just be today.
Happy Birthday, Beth. Love and Hugs. We miss you dearly.